someone threw a dead crab at me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need a beard to bite.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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