The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
