Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
