this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
