Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
