if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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