Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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