I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize