First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
