Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
