Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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