When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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