Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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