Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I came so hard my ears popped.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
