um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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