you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize