I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize