What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
