i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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