vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
