They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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