just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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