We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
