he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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