K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I showed him my bush... on skype.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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