we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
