I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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