at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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