Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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