Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
