friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
