I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
