your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
