someone threw a dead crab at me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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