Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
