when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
