I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
