If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
