umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize