wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You have to summon your inner elephant
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
