my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
