i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
