I'm going to jail i love you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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