Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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