Midget sex pt 2 tonight
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
