Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
