I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize