question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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