Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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