when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
