oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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