Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
