Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
