going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
