I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we made out on top of his cat.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
