Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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