College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish you could order shots online.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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