Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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