Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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