What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize