i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize