what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
