so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How's work?
Spinning.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
