They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
